Life, Marriage

I Need Help.


“She perfect for you. Man there’s got to be somebody for me.”  Adam Duritz 

The least of these is sex.

Guys I knew in college had countdowns set up on their computers.  When I asked what they were for they said, “This is counting down to the day I get married, then I can start having sex!”

What a terribly confusing message.

So the goal is sex?

One thing I share with people who are planning to get married is that Kimberley and I didn’t kiss or allow things to get physical before we were married.  This isn’t a boast; it’s cautionary.   I knew that she was smoking hot and that sex with her would be amazing – she communicated that she felt the same way about me, but…is that the goal?  Isn’t the real issue that we are right for each other?

What does that mean?

It means that all our time together was spent getting to know each other and finding out is this really who I want to spend my life with?

Jesus said, and I’m paraphrasing, “Do not be unequally yoked.”

So marry another Christian?

I can’t express strongly enough how wrong this type of thinking is:  You think they’re hot + they’re a christian = marriage.


Let’s turn to the positive.

Why do I know that Kimberley is amazing and perfect for me (and I’ll leave the physical completely out of it)?

Kimberley is a Christian and loves Jesus.

Yes, the person you marry should love Jesus.

In depths of deepest darkness, in fields of peace, she turns me back to Jesus before sharing her own thoughts.

A woman of great wisdom.

She is an amazing piano player and has a beautiful singing voice.  Music was very important in my family growing up and it’s something I always wanted to give to any children I may have.

Her writing, speaking, and editing abilities are off the chart.  I’m always in awe of her when she does speaking engagements.  I tell her,  “Without your understanding of me,  knowing who I am and how I want a piece of writing to look,  you are able to draw that out exactly.”

It’s a perfect match. I can’t believe it, she’s amazing.

She is a loving mother.  I see the care she gives our children and all I can say is, “Thank you baby, you are the best mother in the whole world. I can’t believe the ways you show our children love.”

Her counsel means everything to me.  The guidance and truth she speaks into my life are something I’ve learned to trust implicitly.  She sees me waver on a decision or making the wrong one and comes alongside to guide and direct.  I’ve seen many great men fall because they didn’t listen to their wife’s insight; not a mistake I want to make. I trust Kimberley.

Finances: My wife is a fantastic financial manager.  I’m so proud of her ability to always know what we have in our accounts and spend only what she needs.

Laughter.  I live to hear her laugh.  She is so funny too.  The funniest person I’ve ever met.

As I sit here writing, I know I’m coming up short.

“Words all fail the magic prize.” -Gordon Gano-

Kimberley is the perfect example of a Genesis 2:18 wife; the definitions of a suitable helpmate because there are so many ways in which I need help. But it’s so much more than that.

After sixteen years nothing about our love has faded, it’s only accelerated.

I see her across a room and I move towards her without even thinking.

She smiles and I stare for longer than I should, until she shakes her head and laughs.

She says she’s going to Target for fifteen minutes.  When it takes her half an hour she returns to find me curled up in a ball on the couch crying because I’m certain she died.

There is not enough time in the world, in a day, in a lifetime, to spend with her.  I always tell her after we’ve been on dates or out together, “That wasn’t enough time, I need more of you.” She smiles, gently touches my face and says, “I know, I feel the same way.”

I send her out to coffee and time alone, 3-4 hour chunks at a time and then the kids and I go nuts.  We crank up the music, clean the house, wash and fold all the laundry, do the dishes, get on pajamas, grab a snack, and pop in some old movie and wait for my bride to come home, kiss the kids and put them to bed.  I do all this because I know that I have removed all distraction, and she and I can be alone together for the rest of the evening in the unencumbered presence of the person we love the most.

So, if you’re looking for perfection, you won’t find it.

Find compatibility, but also find someone that you can’t live without.  They have an indefinable quality that makes you feel something no one else can make you feel, that cannot be defined with words other than that when you find it, only you know what it is and it makes you crazy to be without it and gives you peace when you have it.

When I asked Kimberley last night, as we lay snuggled up together under 20 blankets,  why she loves me she said, “Because you’re you.”

Everything I am is everything Kimberley wanted and so much more she didn’t know was hidden beneath the surface, waiting to whisper words of love into her heart.  I feel the exact same way about her.

“If I found you outside I would kiss you and none would despise me”  -SOS-



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